Pink is the New Black, Fukubuchou!
by TarundoruSlap
Summary: In which Sanada makes Marui's cake die, slaps a poor clumsy second year, and punishes Niou, Kirihara and Marui for something he didn't know Yukimura did. Failed attempt at crack. A bit of language here and there.


**I OWN NOTHING.**

Girls and boys alike widened their eyes and gasped when a certain fukubuchou walked- or rather, stormed- past them to get to the morning practice. His eyes twitched and hands clenched tightly when he noticed all this, fighting the urge to "Tarundoru!" the girls and whack them.

Sanada Genichirou was not a happy fukubuchou today. In fact, he was a rather angry fukubuchou today. Why was Sanada an angry fukubuchou? The only reasonable answer would be because of 3 certain Regulars on the team. It was probably them. At least one of them.

He stormed into the clubroom instead of his usual steady, controlled long stride while slamming the door open a bit too far, which ended up in slamming someone's open locker and making something fall out.

A pink-haired lad cried out in terror and anguish. Anguish because his cake had died a terrible death on the dusty and somewhat sweaty ground and terror because, well-

"Bunta, what did I tell you about no snacks in the clubroom?" the Child of God asked sweetly, closing his locker quietly. "And how many times have I told you, hm?"

"Exactly 37 times in the past year, Seiichi." Yanagi answered smoothly, snapping his locker door shut. "And Genichirou, why are you in a fouler mood than usual?"

Sanada's eye twitched as he turned around carefully, scaring all of the club members in the room except for Yanagi and Yukimura, although they were ever so slightly unnerved. More curious about why he was acting in such a way, though.

His brown eyes were shining with the promise of many, many laps for everybody. Except for Yukimura, since he was the buchou. But anyways, punishment for everybody. Everybody cursed the ones who made Sanada act this way, as said people twitched.

"...Shut up." he said calmly, and turned back to his locker. "And Marui, fifty laps around the courts for having snacks in the clubroom again."

"HEEEEHH? BUT-"

"Sixty."

"YUKIMURA, SANADA IS-"

"Did he say sixty? I'll double it to 120, Bunta." Yukimura said serenely, walking out of the clubroom with an angelic smile on his face. "Go, Bunta."

Marui drowned in his agony as he dragged himself out of the clubroom to start his laps.

Everyone changed in silence but quickly to do their warm-up of fifteen laps. Granted, it wasn't a comfortable silence, but silence whatsoever as Sanada was emitting a very dangerous aura that said "If anyone disturbs me, you will be in for a world of pain."

A clumsy second year could sense the warning, of course, but being clumsy, he tipped over Sanada's bag, spilling its contents on the bench and on the floor. _Shit._

He stared wide-eyed at the fukubuchou, whose dark, angry aura grew darker and angrier. _Shit shit shit shit shiiit._

Everyone cringed when he turned around, eye twitching and hands clenching into a fist that would probably later turn into a flat hand to slap someone. Hard. His eyes were hidden by locks of dark hair, but people could tell the ominous shining things under his hair were his eyes. And they were lusting for blood. Lots of blood, sweat and tears.

"Yamato," Sanada said dangerously, but was interrupted by an incredibly loud cry of laughter, emitting from some random freshman.

"S-Sanada- fukubuchou, what happened to your h-hat?!"

Indeed, Sanada was not wearing his notable black cap which somehow stayed on his head during most matches. Instead, he had stuffed it deep inside of his bag, but had slipped out during Yamato's accident.

However, the black cap wasn't exactly black anymore.

It was an indistinguishable hot pink.

"TARUNDORU!"

Yukimura looked towards the direction of the clubroom, giggling quietly. "Oh dear, that's earlier than usual. Mother dearest doesn't seem to like pink."

A resounding slap echoed in the air with of cry of pain.

"200 LAPS, YAMATO. MAYBE THIS WILL HELP YOU BECOME A REGULAR NEXT YEAR! EVERYONE ELSE, 100 LAPS!"

Sanada strode out of the clubroom- Without his hat, mind you- with his eye twitching and tennis racquet clasped firmly in his hand as everyone scuttled out of the clubroom nervously, a sad Yamato trailing behind in the back with a deep imprint of a hand on his face that would turn into a very large bruise later.

What Sanada had said wasn't true at all, as Yamato kept whimpering when Sanada gave him the Sanada glare whenever he ran into poles, gates and people.

Sanada had no reason to stop him, as he would stop when he reached his limit. Apparently his limit was 117 laps when he collapsed and passed out. No one bothered to fetch him.

Niou scowled when he finished his match with Sanada, Kirihara after him, and Marui after Kirihara. Sanada knew it had to be one of them at least, or all three of them. Of course, it actually wasn't them this time, as they tried and failed to explain.

"This is all your fault, Yukimura. You shouldn't have dyed his hat." Niou hissed, limping to the benches, sweating hard to gulp down his entire water bottle. "That was a harsh match. And I mean HARSH. Fuck this, it wasn't even us." he whined.

"He can't assign me laps, and I would be able to beat him in a match anyhow." Yukimura smirked, scaring the shit out of Niou.

"I'M SORRY MURA-BUCHOU! SANADA-FUKUBUCHOU, MURA-BUCHOU WAS THE ONE TO DYE YOUR HAT!"

"HOW DARE YOU BLAME IT ON YUKIMURA?! TARUNODORU!" Sanada was even more furious, leaving Marui to take the full fury of the fukubuchou, a dark aura flaring over the court. Because luckily for Kirihara, it was only two points before Sanada won the set, but it was still painful.

"G-Game and match to S-Sanada, 6-1!"

"MARUI, GET ONTO THE COURT!"

"H-HAI!"

"M-Mura-buchou, doesn't fukubuchou have more caps?" Kirihara panted, pouting.

"Nope."

Sanada never figured out it was Yukimura, and ended up searching on ebay for a replica of his black hat as he couldn't get the pink out.

**Dear god, I am so incredibly disappointed in this. I could've done so much better, but noooo, mornings just hate me, don't they? T_T This doesn't even count as humour in my mind, this is more a failed attempt at really bad humour.**

**Just... review? I don't expect anything good, but I don't expect flames either. I'm expecting, "That was okay."**

**Thanks for reading... I will go drown in despair... I have disgraced the awesomeness that is Rikkaidai...**


End file.
